Building a Life While Wondering About Another
Sometimes the hardest person not to compare yourself to is the version of you that exists only in your imagination.
The other day, I found myself scrolling through someone's portfolio.
You know the kind. Beautiful work. Recognizable brands. The kind of projects that make you pause and think, "Wow, that's really impressive."
At first, I was genuinely inspired.
Then somewhere along the way, inspiration turned into comparison.
I started looking beyond the work itself. I noticed the clients. The opportunities. The places they had been. The career they had built.
And before I knew it, I wasn't looking at their portfolio anymore.
I was looking at my own life.
Suddenly, my brain began doing what brains do best. It started measuring.
What if I had taken a different job?
What if I had started freelancing sooner?
What if I had taken more risks?
What if I had gone all in on my studio years ago?
What if I had chosen a different path?
The questions kept coming.
Not because I wanted their life exactly, but because their story reminded me of all the versions of myself that never got the chance to exist.
The Strange Grief Nobody Talks About
People talk a lot about failure.
People talk a lot about success.
But nobody really talks about the grief of roads not taken.
The grief of wondering who you might have become if life had unfolded differently.
Maybe there was a version of me that became a creative director earlier.
Maybe there was a version of me who traveled the world while working remotely.
Maybe there was a version of me who built a larger agency.
Maybe there was a version of me who took bigger risks.
Maybe there was a version of me who was fearless.
I'll never know.
And I think that's where the sadness comes from.
Not from another person's success.
But from realizing that some versions of ourselves will always remain imaginary.
Comparison Is Rarely About The Other Person
I've come to realize that comparison is almost never about the person standing in front of us.
It's about what they represent.
Sometimes they represent a dream we postponed.
Sometimes they represent a goal we haven't reached yet.
Sometimes they represent a life we secretly wanted.
And sometimes they represent a version of ourselves we feel we lost along the way.
The truth is, I don't know what their life is really like.
I don't know their struggles.
I don't know their fears.
I don't know the sacrifices they made to get where they are.
All I see is the finished product.
The polished portfolio.
The accomplishments.
The highlight reel.
Meanwhile, I have front row seats to every insecurity, every setback, every mistake, and every fear inside my own life.
Of course the comparison feels unfair. Because it is.
Starting Over Has a Way of Making You Compare
I think comparison gets louder during seasons of uncertainty.
And lately, life has felt uncertain.
I recently experienced a layoff.
I'm living in a new country.
My husband is deployed.
I'm rebuilding parts of my career.
I'm trying to grow a business.
I'm trying to create a life that feels like my own.
Some days I feel excited.
Some days I feel lost.
Most days I feel somewhere in between.
When you're standing in a season where the future isn't fully visible yet, it's easy to look at someone else's certainty and assume they have everything figured out.
But maybe they don't.
Maybe they're building their life too.
Maybe they're just standing in a different chapter of their story.
The Life I'm Living Is Also Someone Else's Dream
One thought keeps bringing me back to reality.
While I was busy admiring someone else's life, I forgot to look at my own.
A few years ago, I dreamed about working remotely.
I dreamed about living abroad.
I dreamed about building my own creative studio.
I dreamed about traveling more.
I dreamed about having the freedom to design from anywhere.
Today, parts of those dreams are already happening.
Not perfectly.
Not in the exact way I imagined.
But they exist.
The problem is that once we achieve something, it quickly becomes normal.
We stop seeing it.
We stop appreciating it.
We move the goalpost and immediately focus on what's missing.
I think that's one of the reasons comparison feels so painful.
It blinds us to the progress we've already made.
Maybe There Is No Perfect Timeline
For a long time, I thought life followed a schedule.
That by a certain age I would be further ahead.
More established.
More successful.
More certain.
But life doesn't seem interested in following the timelines we create.
Some people find success early.
Some people find it later.
Some people spend their twenties exploring.
Some spend their thirties rebuilding.
Some people take the direct route.
Others take the scenic one.
Neither path is wrong.
They're simply different.
The older I get, the more I realize that life isn't a race toward a finish line.
It's a collection of choices, seasons, detours, and unexpected opportunities that slowly shape who we become.
A Note to Anyone Who Feels Behind
If you've ever looked at someone else's life and wondered why yours doesn't look the same, I understand.
If you've ever questioned your decisions, your timing, your career, your progress, or your future, I understand that too.
But maybe the person we're truly competing against isn't another designer, entrepreneur, creator, or traveler.
Maybe it's the fictional version of ourselves we've been carrying around for years.
The version who made all the right choices.
The version who never doubted themselves.
The version who never missed an opportunity.
The version who lived a completely different life.
The problem is that person doesn't exist.
They only exist in our imagination.
Meanwhile, the real version of us is here.
Still learning.
Still growing.
Still figuring things out.
Still building a life one decision at a time.
And maybe that's enough.
Maybe the goal isn't to become the most impressive person in the room.
Maybe the goal is to build a life that feels meaningful when you wake up every morning and live it.